Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so good!” The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot… The rabbit says “Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!” The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, “Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!”

The lion answers….. …..

“That little rascal makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he’s high on cocaine!”

Cheerios

It really hard to understand that what’s the point in taking this photograh

1. Hard Working: Damn it this is America. We work for what we got. Nothing is revered more by our corporate leaders than a good busy bee. Plus the politicians are always stroking us telling us how hard working we are. Nobody likes a lazy person. I must contend though a really hard working dickhead ends up owning Exxon, so is it really something we need more of?

2. Intelligent: I rather like this one, and I think it speaks for itself. No one likes talking to an idiot about anything. Like when I see people rage over drive thru people. There f’kn drive through workers, this isn’t Wall Street investing.

3. Responsible: A boring trait, but still good to have. Still I don’t buy the hype. Responsible for what exactly? Is this an expectation? I see so many people piling shit onto their responsibility plate, without even thinking about it. Can you really be responsible for that?

Anyway I set out recently to find character traits that are deeply unappreciated in our modern times. Now some of you might say that these things aren’t known character traits.

1. Compassion: No one gives a shit about anyone else anymore. Sure you love your father, mother, daughter, and friends, but what about the rest of the world? Homeless people on the streets are looked down on. Immigrants are treated like sub-humans by the majority. The Middle and upper classes rarely even engage with the lower classes expect for services rendered. Does anyone believe this is a compassionate culture? I don’t even hear the word ever in the media. It’s like its ancient Greek or something.

2. Class: It’s under-appreciated today. I love a Classy woman, and there’s nobody more fun to drink with that a classy guy. Guy’s just a class act, he makes everyone feel welcome, doesn’t talk down on people, holds himself in high respect.

3. Integrity: How many people don’t even think for a second if the shit they believe is anywhere in the ballpark of how they act. Its one thing to praise a lifestyle, but to live in such contradiction to one’s own worldview must cost this country millions in prescription drug pills. Now I know we’re all hypocrites in one fashion or another, but we can limit that to just stuff we’re not aware of yet.

4. Renaissance man: This one’s close to my heart, because I strive to be one. Why are people so limited in the things they think they can do? What happened to Variety is the spice of life? Dominos vs. Pizza Hut is not where I was going with that. Let’s see I own businesses, I play drums, Bass guitar, I’m a pretty good cook, I love horticulture, and I study philosophy. I could on, but come on people there’s more out there. Get into it. Anything you think you could do you can. Now it might not be pretty at first, but that’s ok. That’s culture that’s how it gets passed down. Besides knowing about a broad array of things makes a good conversationalist, and many consider that classy.

5. Subtle: Here’s the one that got this whole idea rolling around in my head. Taoists folks are always talking about the “subtle nature of the Tao”. And The Buddha is often times said to be “working in a subtle fashion”. I considered the idea of working in more subtle ways. I think this could be a practice for right action/speech. In the respect that something said or done with too much force or in too much of an obvious manner may be me getting ahead of myself trying to force a reality. To tread lightly along not damaging anything because of my unawareness of it. It’s funny when I think of someone operating in a subtle fashion, I think of the woman lightly touching you, or when an old man winks at kid when no one else is looking. It’s this unspoken bond. We know something we can’t say, but I thought I’d share it anyway. The opening of doors and nodding to people you don’t even know in your presence. All these recognitions of solidarity. I know you’re with me right now. You might think you don’t matter to me, but you do.

Just as I tire of attempting to attract hummingbirds one shows himself 10 ft. from me. As soon as I stop thinking about doing something for no reason I do things for unknown reasons. Validity can only be confirmed in the present. My intellect takes care of the small stuff, logistics and the sort. The big issues require a more subtle approach. More attuned to the waviness of things. In an attempt to not conceptualize one’s better attributes I cannot allow myself to “think” about it. Compassion is not contrived; it unfolds like a rose bud.

Courtesy: Cheekat

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release  Stating:
“If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be  driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part,  esp 7th point and 10′th point):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car  would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the  road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die  on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road,  close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows  before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your  car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to  reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car  that was powered  by  the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as  easy to  drive – but would ! run on only five percent of the  roads.
6. The  oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by  a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation” warning light.
7.  The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8.  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse  to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key  and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.  (Read CTR-ALT-DEL)
9. Every  time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all  over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as  the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine  off. “

Hey …….(Employee) ,

Incentive nahi mila, Bura Huva

Salary cut rahi hai, Bura Huva

Extra shift hogi, who bhi buri hogi.

Hey Arjuna,

Tum pichla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo,

Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo,

Bus apni salary main santusht raho….

Tumhari pocket se kya gaya , Jo rote ho?

Jo aaya tha sab upar ki income thee.

Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee

Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegi.

Hey Dhananjaya,

Tum NE aisa kaun as response diya, Jo tumhara tha.

Sab kuch, ‘cut-copy-paste’ ka khel tha.

Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the..

Jo experience mila, yahi mila…

Jo support diya company ke liye…

Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo.

Jo system aaj tumhara hai…

Who kal kisi aur ka tha….

Kal kisi aur ka or parson kisi aur ka hoga..

Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho..

Hey Kaunteya,

Yahi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai.

“Kyo wayarth chinta karte ho, kisse wayarth darte ho,

Kaun tumhe nikaal sakta hai……”

‘ Policy change’ company ka rule hai.

Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi to trick hai.

“Ek pal main tum Best performer or Hero no.1 ya Super

Star ban jaate ho,

Dusre pal main tum worst performer aur target nahin

Achieve kar paatey ho.”

Appraisal, incentive etc. Etc. Mann se hata do,

Vichaar se mita do. . .

Phir company tumhari hai or tum company ke.

Tasmat Arjuna,

Na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye hai, na tum

Iske kabhi the. Parantu job secure hai Phir tum

Tension kyon lete ho……..? Tum apne aap ko company

Ko arpit kar do. Yahi sabse bada golden rule hai. Jo

Is golden rule ko jaanta hai, who review,

Incentive,recession ,retirement aadi se sada ke liye

Muqt ho jaata hai…

Courtesy – Cheekat

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these
great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium
payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of
small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the
obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!
(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the
claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a
policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable
and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining
what is considered to be unacceptable “fire” and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company
accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost
in the “fires”.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART. . .

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on
24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used
against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property
and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers
Award Contest.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah. Bill Gates:  Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll  give it a try’ Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than  100 people may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself  ’ I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ‘I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?’ So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo – Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo – Croat but what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a  conversation together in that language.’

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says…… ‘kem chho?’

The other candidate answers    ……..   ‘ek dam majama…’